I Love This Place

I Love This Place
Photo By Matthew Field

Thursday, January 29, 2009

VegasLinks Q&A With Vegas Rex

Warning- easily offended folks may want to click elsewhere now.

Vegas Rex the man who I'd call pretty much anti-establishment runs his Blog VegasRex.com and although he is portrays himself as laid back his website is Raw and fantastically honest. Rex doesn't sugarcoat things. Things he likes you'll hear about but he doesn't try to pretend that Vegas is all glitz and glamor. He will take you down the back streets of Vegas with some of my favorite footage-his videos of driving around or walking around with minimal editing.

Here's Rex's take in the VegasLinks Q&A-

Best Hangover Food/Restaurant:

Hydrocodone. Watson 10/325's at Walgreens near MGM Grand.

Best Romantic Spot For Dinner:

Trick question. How is she going to eat with my dick in her mouth?

Best Vegas Burger -Money No Object:

In-N-Out Double Double

Best Vegas Gourmet Burger:

In-N-Out Double Double with extra lettuce, extra tomatoes, and ketchup and mustard instead of special sauce.

Restaurant In Vegas To Eat Your Last Living Meal:

Mon Ami Gabi, so your death will be witnessed by thousands of horrified tourists, possibly scarring them for life … or at least requiring a few years of expensive therapy which should, in turn, help stimulate the economy.

Best Value Hotel Room:

Sahara/Strat/IP/Trop … anyplace on The Strip that metrosexual posers pretend to hate.

Best Upscale Standard Hotel Room:

If you're having fun, all rooms are “upscale”.

I've stayed in every hotel on the Vegas Strip at least twice and the rooms I remember most fondly have been on the top floor of the Luxor Pyramid, view rooms at Rio, MGM Jacuzzi Suites, glass-elevator rides to rooms in The Trop, and balcony rooms in the Alexandria Towers at the Sahara. Yes, the Sahara. Fuck you. When you're asleep, Motel 6 and The Bellagio are identical, and nobody should come to Vegas to watch a plasma television in a plush bed.

That being said, if I were a non-gambling quadriplegic with OCD, I guess I would want them to park my ass in a Venetian or Wynn room.

Best Off Strip Day Excursion Or Adventure:

Sydney. It's only thirteen hours each way by air, which means that you have a complete hour to discover all that Australia has to offer, yet still be back in Vegas in time for checkout.

Best On Strip Adventure:

Simultaneously being blown by a miniature Madonna impersonator, while getting a prostate massage from a stripper dressed as a nurse, while while giving a reach-around to a rhesus monkey … all while play $5 Jacks-or-Better at the Venetian.

Best Place To Drink And Hold A Conversation:

As far away from me as possible.

Best Place To Get Your Groove On:

Carnival Court when I have a video camera. Preferably to a song by Captain and Tennille.

Must Visit Vegas Website Not Including Your Own:

There are other Las Vegas websites? What kind of pathetic loser would make a Las Vegas Website?

Best Vegas Strip Joint:

The Hard Rock Pool.

Best Vegas Show:

The Annual Steve Wynn Whore-Choking Extravaganza.

Best Vegas Upscale Shopping:

The 99 Cent Store on Flamingo Ave.

Best Vegas Value Shopping:

The 98 Cent Store on Cheyenne Ave.

Most Overrated Restaurant:

Any restaurant who's food has ever been described as “amazing”.

Extra-terrestrial encounters are amazing. Nuclear explosions are amazing. Landing an airplane intact in the Hudson River without injuries is amazing.

Food is not amazing. Ever.

Biggest Vegas Rip Off:

Anything with the word “fee” or “surcharge”.

Best Way For A Tourist To Get To Mandalay Bay From The Airport:

Commandeer a sightseeing helicopter with an AK-47, and demand that the pilot fly you to Bolivia. When the pilot tells you that he does not have enough fuel to make it to Bolivia, shove the gun in his mouth and yell “Look motherfucker, you're going to fly this thing to Bolivia or die trying!”

When the pilot turns the helicopter southeast, he will pass over McCarran airport.

Once over your airline's terminal, grab your carry-on and remove the homemade parachute that you fashioned out of two queen-sized bed sheets from your Mandalay Bay room. Throw the pilot a $20 bill, drop the gun and say “sorry about all of this” … then, while holding opposite ends of the massive sheets, jump out of the helicopter and gently glide down to your gate.

It works every time.

Best Way For A Tourist To Get To Wynn From The Airport:

Hold on to Steve Wynn's cape as he flies you there Superman-style.

Best Vegas Secret That Everyone Should Know About:

Pretending to be an undercover cop means the happy ending is free.

Thanks Rex. I think :)

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